Chapter One
IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS A DOG.
HE WANTED A JOB.
Chapter Two
TASK: FETCH THE BALL.
HE LEFT WITH GREAT CONFIDENCE.
Chapter Three
HE CAME BACK.
NO BALL. NO EXPLANATION.
Chapter Four
TASK: STAY FOCUSED.
HE FELL ASLEEP INSTEAD.
HE TRIED HIS BEST.
USELESS.
(AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE HIM ANY OTHER WAY.)
Annual Review — Confidential
PERFORMANCE REVIEW
Employee File #0001
- EMPLOYEE
- Useless Dog
- POSITION
- Dog
- EXPERIENCE
- Unknown
- TASKS COMPLETED
- 0
- TREATS CONSUMED
- 47
- ATTENDANCE
- Sometimes
- ATTITUDE
- Excellent
- USEFULNESS
- 0%
REVIEW STATUS: TERMINATED. REHIRED IMMEDIATELY. HE'S TOO CUTE TO FIRE.
GIVE THE DOG A JOB.
He will accept it with full confidence. He will not complete it.
Awaiting his first assignment...
TASKS FAILED: 0
HIS RESUME.
- NAME
- Useless Dog
- SKILLS
- Sitting sometimes.
- WORK EXPERIENCE
- None.
- EDUCATION
- Unknown.
- REFERENCES
- Do not contact.
- EXPECTED SALARY
- Treats.
- AVAILABILITY
- Depends.
Currently unemployed. Working on it. Not really.
Recognition Ceremony
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
He did not complete a single task. We just like him.
0 Tasks Completed0TASKS COMPLETED
47TREATS EATEN
100%GOOD BOY
0%USEFUL
HE WILL NEVER GET BETTER.
BUT WE LOVE HIM ANYWAY.